Death and Thoughts

Feleray, brother of my best friend, Jeremy, passed away this morning due to a motorcycle accident. I called Jeremy at around 8:30PM to find out what happened, but he was in so much pain emotionally that he was crying as he spoke, and I barely understood what he said to me. All I know is that my best friend is hurting right now, and I can only imagine what the rest of his family and friends are going through. But what can I say to help Jeremy feel better? Nothing. There's nothing I can say to calm him or make him feel less pained because it's just not possible that anyone could accept with what happened today. All I can do is listen to him cry and talk about how hard it is for him to realize that Feleray is really gone. I feel like a useless friend. I asked him to be strong for his family so they can have someone to depend on... But who can be strong for him? This event happened so suddenly. Without any warning, a person whom I've known since I was 12 suddenly leaves this Earth. How are his friends and family supposed to accept this? How can anyone just say "this is a part of life" and expect that to be enough to help them get over this? Yes, it is a part of life. Accidents happen. Loved ones die. With all the wishes in the world, there's no way to bring him back. The only way he can continue living is in the minds of those who remember him. We are all young. We all live life on the edge. But what we don't realize is how many people we involve once they let us into their hearts. Every person you meet and talk to have a chance of accepting you into their hearts, to where even someone you say hi to daily and nothing else to could be shocked and feel pain to some degree at the loss of your existence. Rest in peace, Feleray.

Hi, It's been awhile :)

What's the best way to procrastinate? BLOGGING! I went to Edwin and Morgan's wedding today with Traver! It was lovely, and I know Traver had a great time being with his best friends before he goes off to California. Amber told me how heartbroken he was at the thought that we might break up once he goes to California. I was shocked upon hearing that... I know I should have expected it, seeing as how he loves me a lot and shows it whenever he can. I know my family and friends keep telling me to never settle, but the longer I'm with him, the less it seems like settling. I've been to two of his best friends' weddings already, and all his friends keep talking about getting married. However, we're both still young and we don't want to talk about marriage. I'm still just a kid, believe it or not. A pretty mature kid compared to some of these idiotic college students I come across, haha. But still, overall with not enough life experience to even make a living for myself yet. Whatever happens to us in the future is not for me to know yet. I know I probably don't feel anything right now, but I have a feeling I will be really lost once he leaves for Cali. We will see where this takes us. Another thing that's been on my mind... I haven't really been my same self lately. I've stopped caring for a lot of things that aren't important to me at the moment, so pretty much if it's not school, boyfriend, and family, then I really don't give a fuck. I don't like keeping stupid people in my life... I show that I don't want them around. I get angry at my friends that ask me stupid questions rather than being patient like always. I've just been kinda mean lately :( I wonder what's going on and if this is for the better :/ Well, time to get back to study! <3 Jenn

Faith lost? No way.

Yesterday, I went with my parents to Chinatown. My mom, brother, and I went to a Buddhist temple that we went to plenty of times to give our donations and pray.
I put in my dollar, as always, and took out a fortune, as always. I lighted three incense sticks and stuck it down with the others, as always. However, as I prayed and looked onto the statue of Buddha's face, my mind went blank, instead of being filled with that overwhelmed feeling I was familiarly filled with all the times before. I kept my hands closed and kept staring at Buddha, then at my brother, who was deep in his prayers for quite a long amount of time.
What happened? Why has my mind become blank? I began to tie it to the times when I visited the two Hindu temples two years ago. From the research and the interviews with the priests and a student who was Hindu at my university, I learned how Buddhism stemmed from the teachings of Hinduism. Did that affect how much I believed?
I was rather disappointed in myself for having lost faith in something I always had faith in. Perhaps it's temporary. But I still largely believe in miracles, and I believe things happen because they were planned for me to learn lessons in. Someone or something up there has been helping me throughout my growth in this world. Perhaps it's best that I don't try to specify which religion I most believe in. There's no need to specify, as long as you believe, and live by pure values.

Jennifer

Much needed update!

It's been FOREVER since I've updated!
I've been extremely busy, balancing classes with extracurriculars.
As soon as I came back from my co-op, I made it my goal to participate in multiple activities to enhance my remaining college experience, build up my resume, and to increase my networking.
I rejoined FAE, a sorority interest group that I was a part of before I left for Arkansas. I've gotten closer to my friends that are in it and met a lot of really sweet and genuine girls! It's a great way to start the semester, having such awesome people to welcome me back with open arms and give me encouragement when I'm stressed out over things such as homework and deadlines.

I helped out with this year's Asia Nite as well, but in a way that I never would have pictured myself! Due to a small miscommunication, I went from backstage manager to MC! I memorized my lines within a week and filmed videos during the days that led up to the show. We never got to rehearse much on stage, so I was nervous and practically hyperventilating as the show was about to start, but I actually felt quite natural on stage! This reminds me of when I wanted to be an actress for the longest time since I was 10! I finally got to live out my dream! Haha.
I started writing for the school newspaper also! It can be a bit of a bother having to meet deadlines, since I am a perfectionist and prefer to take days to write an article, but that's not possible due to my hectic schedule and deadlines for the different sections in the newspaper. However, I saw how much I can learn by writing! For example, I took up the story of Hinduism, and travelled to a Hindu temple for the first time! The priest there was kind and patient and explained many ideas of Hinduism to me, while a volunteer told me of the holidays and festivals that Hindus celebrate. I can also get paid for writing as well once my paperwork gets submitted!
But that's not all O_O!!! Thanks to Ashley's help, I am now vice president of administrations for American Marketing Association! I hold many secretarial duties, which I find that I manage quite easily.

Wow, I didn't realize how much I've been doing until I took a look at what I had just written! Well, above all of that, I hope to bring up my GPA!!!

We'll see how it goes!