Yesterday, I went with my parents to Chinatown. My mom, brother, and I went to a Buddhist temple that we went to plenty of times to give our donations and pray.
I put in my dollar, as always, and took out a fortune, as always. I lighted three incense sticks and stuck it down with the others, as always. However, as I prayed and looked onto the statue of Buddha's face, my mind went blank, instead of being filled with that overwhelmed feeling I was familiarly filled with all the times before. I kept my hands closed and kept staring at Buddha, then at my brother, who was deep in his prayers for quite a long amount of time.
What happened? Why has my mind become blank? I began to tie it to the times when I visited the two Hindu temples two years ago. From the research and the interviews with the priests and a student who was Hindu at my university, I learned how Buddhism stemmed from the teachings of Hinduism. Did that affect how much I believed?
I was rather disappointed in myself for having lost faith in something I always had faith in. Perhaps it's temporary. But I still largely believe in miracles, and I believe things happen because they were planned for me to learn lessons in. Someone or something up there has been helping me throughout my growth in this world. Perhaps it's best that I don't try to specify which religion I most believe in. There's no need to specify, as long as you believe, and live by pure values.
Jennifer
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