Death and Thoughts

Feleray, brother of my best friend, Jeremy, passed away this morning due to a motorcycle accident. I called Jeremy at around 8:30PM to find out what happened, but he was in so much pain emotionally that he was crying as he spoke, and I barely understood what he said to me. All I know is that my best friend is hurting right now, and I can only imagine what the rest of his family and friends are going through. But what can I say to help Jeremy feel better? Nothing. There's nothing I can say to calm him or make him feel less pained because it's just not possible that anyone could accept with what happened today. All I can do is listen to him cry and talk about how hard it is for him to realize that Feleray is really gone. I feel like a useless friend. I asked him to be strong for his family so they can have someone to depend on... But who can be strong for him? This event happened so suddenly. Without any warning, a person whom I've known since I was 12 suddenly leaves this Earth. How are his friends and family supposed to accept this? How can anyone just say "this is a part of life" and expect that to be enough to help them get over this? Yes, it is a part of life. Accidents happen. Loved ones die. With all the wishes in the world, there's no way to bring him back. The only way he can continue living is in the minds of those who remember him. We are all young. We all live life on the edge. But what we don't realize is how many people we involve once they let us into their hearts. Every person you meet and talk to have a chance of accepting you into their hearts, to where even someone you say hi to daily and nothing else to could be shocked and feel pain to some degree at the loss of your existence. Rest in peace, Feleray.

Hi, It's been awhile :)

What's the best way to procrastinate? BLOGGING! I went to Edwin and Morgan's wedding today with Traver! It was lovely, and I know Traver had a great time being with his best friends before he goes off to California. Amber told me how heartbroken he was at the thought that we might break up once he goes to California. I was shocked upon hearing that... I know I should have expected it, seeing as how he loves me a lot and shows it whenever he can. I know my family and friends keep telling me to never settle, but the longer I'm with him, the less it seems like settling. I've been to two of his best friends' weddings already, and all his friends keep talking about getting married. However, we're both still young and we don't want to talk about marriage. I'm still just a kid, believe it or not. A pretty mature kid compared to some of these idiotic college students I come across, haha. But still, overall with not enough life experience to even make a living for myself yet. Whatever happens to us in the future is not for me to know yet. I know I probably don't feel anything right now, but I have a feeling I will be really lost once he leaves for Cali. We will see where this takes us. Another thing that's been on my mind... I haven't really been my same self lately. I've stopped caring for a lot of things that aren't important to me at the moment, so pretty much if it's not school, boyfriend, and family, then I really don't give a fuck. I don't like keeping stupid people in my life... I show that I don't want them around. I get angry at my friends that ask me stupid questions rather than being patient like always. I've just been kinda mean lately :( I wonder what's going on and if this is for the better :/ Well, time to get back to study! <3 Jenn

Faith lost? No way.

Yesterday, I went with my parents to Chinatown. My mom, brother, and I went to a Buddhist temple that we went to plenty of times to give our donations and pray.
I put in my dollar, as always, and took out a fortune, as always. I lighted three incense sticks and stuck it down with the others, as always. However, as I prayed and looked onto the statue of Buddha's face, my mind went blank, instead of being filled with that overwhelmed feeling I was familiarly filled with all the times before. I kept my hands closed and kept staring at Buddha, then at my brother, who was deep in his prayers for quite a long amount of time.
What happened? Why has my mind become blank? I began to tie it to the times when I visited the two Hindu temples two years ago. From the research and the interviews with the priests and a student who was Hindu at my university, I learned how Buddhism stemmed from the teachings of Hinduism. Did that affect how much I believed?
I was rather disappointed in myself for having lost faith in something I always had faith in. Perhaps it's temporary. But I still largely believe in miracles, and I believe things happen because they were planned for me to learn lessons in. Someone or something up there has been helping me throughout my growth in this world. Perhaps it's best that I don't try to specify which religion I most believe in. There's no need to specify, as long as you believe, and live by pure values.

Jennifer

Much needed update!

It's been FOREVER since I've updated!
I've been extremely busy, balancing classes with extracurriculars.
As soon as I came back from my co-op, I made it my goal to participate in multiple activities to enhance my remaining college experience, build up my resume, and to increase my networking.
I rejoined FAE, a sorority interest group that I was a part of before I left for Arkansas. I've gotten closer to my friends that are in it and met a lot of really sweet and genuine girls! It's a great way to start the semester, having such awesome people to welcome me back with open arms and give me encouragement when I'm stressed out over things such as homework and deadlines.

I helped out with this year's Asia Nite as well, but in a way that I never would have pictured myself! Due to a small miscommunication, I went from backstage manager to MC! I memorized my lines within a week and filmed videos during the days that led up to the show. We never got to rehearse much on stage, so I was nervous and practically hyperventilating as the show was about to start, but I actually felt quite natural on stage! This reminds me of when I wanted to be an actress for the longest time since I was 10! I finally got to live out my dream! Haha.
I started writing for the school newspaper also! It can be a bit of a bother having to meet deadlines, since I am a perfectionist and prefer to take days to write an article, but that's not possible due to my hectic schedule and deadlines for the different sections in the newspaper. However, I saw how much I can learn by writing! For example, I took up the story of Hinduism, and travelled to a Hindu temple for the first time! The priest there was kind and patient and explained many ideas of Hinduism to me, while a volunteer told me of the holidays and festivals that Hindus celebrate. I can also get paid for writing as well once my paperwork gets submitted!
But that's not all O_O!!! Thanks to Ashley's help, I am now vice president of administrations for American Marketing Association! I hold many secretarial duties, which I find that I manage quite easily.

Wow, I didn't realize how much I've been doing until I took a look at what I had just written! Well, above all of that, I hope to bring up my GPA!!!

We'll see how it goes!

It doesn't even feel bittersweet... It just feels... bitter.

Tomorrow marks my last day at my Co op. I remember during my first few weeks here, I wished so much to go home and see all my friends. Even a little over a month and a half ago, when people asked me would I consider moving to Ashdown, I would say that I couldn't leave my friends and wouldn't be able to do it...
But now, it's all coming to an end and... I'm not even excited to go back. I've grown to love this place. Sure, I may at times seem like the awkward shy one in the technical building. And I may sometimes get so shy that I may not want to go out when I'm invited. But the times that I did go out with all of them, I always had a great time. Just when I started to get attached to this place, it's already time to go. No wonder why people keep coming back. Working here was such an amazing experience. Everyone was just so helpful and willing to provide their knowledge. I learned so much and met so many amazing and influential people. My only hope is that one day, if I get to work with them all again... possibly... if I do get hired there... I'll be able to contribute more to the company than I have before.
There's this feeling you get when you enjoy being in the area you work in. You want to help them succeed, and to see your work make a difference to the company.
I feel like there is still so much I haven't done yet, and I have to drop everything and leave.
Why can't time stop itself for a little?

I AM SUCH A LIGHTWEIGHT

Megan and her husband Scott invited a bunch of the young co-workers to their house for poker night last night. I decided to go, since I haven't gone out as much as I wanted to. Because it was such a big group, we split into two groups and the last 6 will group themselves together. I haven't played Texas Hold 'Em in years, so I looked like a complete newbie. Little did I know Lady Luck took a liking to me and I was the hot shit at my table, raising chips and winning multiple hands! Sadly my luck drifted from me near the last few rounds before the tables combined. I ended up being the 4th to last one out :( Not too bad, since we began with 11 people, but I had a taste of winning and was sad to not at least be in the last 3 :(
In between the combination of tables, I played a round of beer pong with Chris, Mike, and Patrick, with Chris being my partner. He filled his cups with beer and filled mine with strawberry daquiri -__- lolol. Needless to say, I had horrible aim and caused us to lose. I am officially the worst beer pong partner in the world.
After a game of Fxck the Dealer, Tiradej announced that he was leaving early and I decided to go with him, since I'm not only the worst beer pong player in the universe, but also a freaking lightweight. I knew my limit was reached so it was best that I left early xP. I was starting to even feel queasy in his car, and he theatened "Jen... if you throw up in my car, you owe me 50 dollars." LMAO XD

Today at work was the longest day everrrrrr.

But I'm finally on Thanksgiving weekend break! Happy Thanksgiving everyone :)

Weekend with Traver: Marine Corps Ball and Bonding

Today is Tuesday already, but I would like to blog about what I've been up to since that last time I've posted leading up to this past weekend!
Nothing's new... I'm more than halfway done with my internship at Domtar, and aside from working a routine Monday through Friday, I have not done much that is different and probably will not until it's time for me to head back to school.
Last Friday, I took the day off and flew to Virginia to see Traver; firstly, because it's our one year anniversary, and secondly, because it's his Marines Corps Ball and it meant a lot to him for me to go.
I bought him a Glee season two DVD (it's our show), and I won a pink Domo for him too! It may not be anything he'd bring with him to the Barracks, but it's something for him to leave in his room at his house to remind him that I adore him ^_^
It was my first time flying by myself. While I've been flying a bajillion times (since I was around 1 and a half), I have never gone anywhere by myself before and was scared of not knowing where to go without my family guiding me. To my surprise, it was extremely easy and the people who worked at the airport were very helpful with any questions I had.
Unfortunately, Traver was doing his Marines duty and his family were all busy, so I had to get a taxi to go to his house, which was pretty expensive since it was right around the time that people get off work that I landed. His mom offered to pay for my cab, but I felt guilty I decided to pay for it myself (it was $100!). She wouldn't let me pay for it and I felt so bad! With Brian's suggestion, I tried to help out around the house as much as I can during my stay.
One of the best parts of visiting Traver in Virginia is getting to spend time with his little sister. He has three sisters and a brother, but since his youngest sister has the most free time, I usually spend the most time with her out of all his siblings. She is so cute! I find her so adorable! We did our nails, made facial masks, and she also put on makeup with me while I was getting ready for the ball.
I wore a black dress, as I was told that it's best to not outshine my date. To my dismay, I saw a girl in a short tube dress! All the girls were wearing floor length gowns that complimented their date/boyfriend/husband's uniforms, and here this girl is dressing like she's about to get down at a club! Tsk tsk.
Traver bought tickets to the bar, with two for beer and two for mixed drinks (intended for me). I'm not a big fan of the alcohol taste, so he had the lady at the bar mix something fruity enough that the alcoholic taste was at its minimum :)
By the time it was dinner, Traver and I were so hungry that we almost couldn't resist that piece of cake that was placed in front of us since the time we sat down at the table! Like the guy that was sitting next to us said, "the cake seemed to be teasing and laughing at us saying 'you can't touch me!'"
Afterwards, Traver and I danced to a few songs, and decided that it was time to call it a night. Overall, it was an interesting time and I learned a lot about military etiquette.
On Sunday, Traver and I woke up at around 9 in the morning to an extremely quiet house. His mom and his youngest sister was at church and his two sisters were at friends' houses. He decided to make breakfast for me (omelettes!) while I packed up and waited until everyone came back from sleepovers and church to say goodbye to them before I left. Traver took me to a historical area where there were a lot of little shops. My favorite was the used book shop. I really liked the small antique-like atmosphere of that area. There was music playing and the books were very well organized. The prices are also reasonably priced. Traver bought me a book by Amy Tan, which I keep in my purse for whenever I'm having a slow day, such as when my computer at work decides to take its sweet time starting up in the morning, during which I would read a paragraph or two.
We had lunch at a Mediterranean restaurant, and then got gelato for dessert!
I loved my time spent with him. He was sad at my leaving, but I kept myself and him from feeling sad by reminding him it's only a few weeks until I am back in North Carolina; then he can visit me more often!

Happy One Year, baby!