One of his kind

I've only ever heard of them... Never thought I would actually meet one of them.

This is the first I have ever met one of his kind, and truthfully it scares me how he managed to get into both mine and my friend's heads.
One who is silent and observant... at first you wouldn't expect much from such a normal looking man... but if you let him play his games, he gets into your head and you can't escape even if you try.
I can tell that when our eyes met, right as I was about to drive away, that he already has it in his mind that he's going to win.

My friend's fallen already. That's his one win. It may not be me who is next, but I certainly am very interested in what I can do to have this mindset incorporated into my own...

STATE FAIR

So, after failing three tests a couple of weeks ago, I decided to pick up my game and try my best to do better in my classes. OMG It's so hard... but I'm gonna do it, just watch me!
I went with Traver, Joseph, and Adrienne and her friends to the State Fair Thursday. Pretty fun... pretty unexpected too... hahaha. Surprisingly I never got to see many ASA people, even though the whole group was supposed to go together!
We ate a lot of really unhealthy food... Traver got a krispy kreme burger, I got a fried cheesecake, we both got some... pig organ things that reeked (it wasn't bad, but the smell was so bad that I threw it away).
Traver won me a little green frog. He wanted to win me something bigger, but I felt bad about using him using his money, so I just told him I don't need him to win me anything else... hahaha.
THE RIDES THIS YEAR ARE... omg they're just indescribable. They just feel more and more dangerous every year!
That kinda makes it exciting though... hahaha XD

I got a long day ahead of me tomorrow... AGAIN. Never a day of rest for Jennifer. Sigh.

The Sun is Shining!

So yeah, even though today started off a rainy day, I can't help but feel the sun is shining on me!
Yesterday, I was planning on spending my 1:00-7:00 studying, but at around 3, I saw Kaithlyn at the library, and we ended up sitting together, thinking we were going to do homework, but instead we started talking about our lives, and it ended up being 3 hours worth of talking! It really didn't feel that long!
We shared our thoughts and our feelings on different situations, and she watched me as I did what I would quote myself best: "Do, not think" several times...

By the end of the day, however... All the stress has been lifted up off of me. I finally feel lighter, and I believe it's all thanks to my talk with Kaithlyn. She understood me, she supported me, and she helped me yesterday to where I've done all I could and can finally step out of the shadow and show my face.

I honestly can't thank her enough.
Yeah, I lost some study time, but so what? I need to have a clear mind to study, and that's just what she helped me do.
I only wish I can help her as much as she has helped me.

By the way... I had this really odd dream... and it ended really weirdly... sort of like.. Korean drama-ish? Hm, I guess I'll tell Adrienne about it later haha.

Ok, back to studying for accounting! I have a test at 3!!!

I'm not perfect.

I'm a petty person.
I may act a child at times.
Sometimes I can't remember a damn thing.
I procrastinate like hell.
I overreact.
Rarely do I choose anything over my pride.
I cannot forgive easily, no matter how hard I try.

This is who I am. I'm not perfect. I shouldn't be pointed at negatively for being human. I strive to be fair, I strive to be good, and that's all that should matter.

None of us are perfect.
My weaknesses may put me in a rut at times, but I don't regret a single thing I strove to do. INCLUDING THIS POST!

What's today is past

I'm trying my hardest to smile and take the big step to move on.

I may have been a failure today,

but I won't be tomorrow.

Caresse Sur l'Ocean

Caresse sur l'océan
Porte l'oiseau si léger
Revenant des terres enneigées
Air éphémère de l'hiver
Au loin ton écho s'éloigne
Châteaux en Espagne
Vire au vent tournoie déploie tes ailes
Dans l'aube grise du levant
Trouve un chemin vers l'arc-en-ciel
Se découvrira le printemps

calme sur l'océan

My Christmas Wishlist!

For whoever loves me enough! Haha. Actually, I just wanted to make a list so I don't have to worry about it later on.

1) Brian Griffin doll

2) Rex doll from Toy Story

3) ...that's all I can think of.

Why We Must Move On

Last night, while Sophia and I were on the phone, I was discussing why I was recently in such a distraught mood. She did bring up something that I remembered clearly: "I remember reading in your livejournal about how great a boyfriend he was! How he took you on trips and how he treated you and stuff. How did he change into such a person?"
I thought about it, and today I have come to the realization as to why we must move on, even if we don't feel like we're ready to.
For those in my situation, the one you are in love with is no longer here. The person who you thought was perfect does not exist anymore. He/she has left the person you thought you were in love with. There's no reason to stay and wait for this person to change back to what they used to be.
They will remember all the memories, they will remember the feelings, but the one you love and the person you see now are two different people.
Look for the person you love in someone else.

Why We Cry

From the middle of summer til now, I've cried a lot. There were various reasons, but rarely were they happy ones. We as human beings cry to let out emotions that we otherwise have a hard time expressing. If I go through something I find tragic, I would cry instead of hitting things, simply because I'm not really a violent person. Others who are would probably end up punching or kicking something, but end up crying later on anyway.
Crying can be a good thing. It lets out a lot of bottled up emotions. We cry because we were hurt in some way, or we were moved by something.
Over this difficult time in my life, I realized many things from the events that caused my reasons for crying:

Family problems will make you feel helpless. Your world will feel like it's been shaken and turned upside down. Imagine God having you and your family in a snow globe and just violently shaking the flakes that make up your world. You can't do anything about it; you can just stay strong for your family. Be someone they can lean on in their time of need; after all, you depended on them for most of your life. It's time you give something back. Yeah, I've tried to force myself not to cry during this situation, but of course I did in the end. I did it because I love my family. I felt so lost when they were in trouble. After a night's worth of anger and sobbing, I made myself "man up" and take responsibility as the oldest kid in the family. I couldn't have done it without my brother William though; he's my rock.

As for relationship problems, we as human beings will always make stupid mistakes. It could probably be because we were trying to satisfy ourselves right at that minute, or it could be that we realize something that was in our hearts the whole time, and did not bring it out to light until it was too late. Love hurts, I'm not going to lie. It'll hurt even more when you feel mistreated, or if you feel like you mistreated someone you love. Here's where crying would calm your hearts: the emotions that run wild will feel so painful that it's like a knife stabbing you over and over again without stopping. But once you're done crying, a lot of stress would be let out; the painful stabbing feeling tends to die down, and you can find time to concentrate on other things that should be considered more important.

Life in general: I'm a college student. I know what it's like to be under such a big amount of stress that I have no one and nowhere to turn to. I have quite a few freshman friends that are already going through it right now. My solution? Hide in the small corner, cry until you feel like sleeping, go to sleep, and wake up ready to do work. Don't believe it'll work? You'd be amazed.

I spent my whole life believing that crying was an embarrasing thing. It's not,really. It's a form of de-stresser, it lets out bottled emotions, and it actually strengthens the spirit inside of you.

DBHS Homecoming

William and I headed out to Fayetteville for homecoming today! I got to see my bestest friend in the whole world, and caught up with a lot of people! Saw Mindy again, that's always fun. Wow, her sister really changed since I last saw her!
Tommy and I got to talk for awhile, and he told me a lot of things that has happened that I would never have thought would happen. I must admit, it did lead me to have a little less respect for some people, and I was also shocked by other things he told me about. William and I were only gone for what seemed like such a short period of time... so many things have changed! Raleigh was definitely the happy place that seemed like everything is going right.
I'm really glad to have been able to see Tommy. It seems like this time I got to see a side of him that I never got to see while we were in school. He just seems more relaxed and at ease, not really worrying about what others think of him.
Jeremy, as always, was level-headed and kept me from going crazy at the game, which I am quite thankful for. He's my best friend for life for a reason. Nothing can ever change that. If it weren't for him, I would have behaved like I was on drugs or something, ahh.
I was also glad to see Cody, Kenya, and everyone else. It was an awesome reunion, and I really hope to see them all again soon!