After what happened this morning I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act. In this situation, I have to be patient, I have to keep from blaming myself and whoever's involved, and I have to control my feelings- or rather, I have to understand it.
It's hard to accept everything when it was said in this situation.
"Did they actually mean it?" "Was it just an in-the-moment kind of thing?"
I realized that me being sad and getting emotional the afternoon before was somewhat of a foreshadowing of what was to come. I just never realized it.
What's happened has happened. I have taken drastic measures to control what happens to me and the people I'm closest to, and all I can do is wait, and learn to understand what all is going on around me.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
TACAS Chinese New Year Festival
Yesterday, Adrienne, William, and I went to the TACAS festival to volunteer. It was a pretty fun experience, despite this one angry lady that yells at people from time to time. We first volunteered at an activity station where children race to put candy in their bowls using chopsticks. The children were so adorable! I really enjoyed it ^_^
We then volunteered at an origami station, where we showed children the easiest way to make a rabbit. William decided to make penguins and it took him an hour just to make 3 -__-
Overall, it was a fun experience, and I was glad to have helped out ^_^
We then volunteered at an origami station, where we showed children the easiest way to make a rabbit. William decided to make penguins and it took him an hour just to make 3 -__-
Overall, it was a fun experience, and I was glad to have helped out ^_^
Sunday, January 23, 2011
My Weekend
I drove Adrienne up with me to UNC so we can watch JIA with Jenny yesterday! We first ate at my brother's dining hall, then headed over to the stadium to watch the performance. The show was amazing! I really enjoyed it! The MCs were hilarious, and the show itself had so much talent!
I then drove Jenny back with me so we can have a girls night with Tia and Jourdan. Jourdan's roommate moved out, so Jenny and I stayed at her dorm. I passed out earlier than everyone because I was so used to sleeping at around 12. By 4AM I was passed out x_x.
Once we all woke up, I got a call from Traver saying he wants to stop by to come meet my friends. He wasn't able to park in that area in the front where Jourdan lives, so he drove away because he had to get to his job. He came back after it ended, so I went out there to meet him to find that both my car and Tia's car was towed. We were freaking out!! This never happened to us before!
But turns out it was moved right behind the student health center, so we calmed down and decided to go have lunch at the Flying Biscuit. The place was decorated in a really cute way, but unfortunately, I must say that I did not have the best time there because everything took so long, and Traver had to go back to work.
I then get a text from Janet that 2 State kids were stranded at UNC and needed a ride back to State. I was going to drive Jenny back anyway, so I was fine with it.
Sophia asks me if I wanted to stay a little bit to have ice cream and chat before she leaves for Europe, so I decided to make time because I won't be seeing Sophia for a long time :(
I ended taking three State kids back (one being Lydia's boyfriend), and by the time I got back home, it was 8:30! Ahh I need to study for my test tomorrow!!!
x_x
I then drove Jenny back with me so we can have a girls night with Tia and Jourdan. Jourdan's roommate moved out, so Jenny and I stayed at her dorm. I passed out earlier than everyone because I was so used to sleeping at around 12. By 4AM I was passed out x_x.
Once we all woke up, I got a call from Traver saying he wants to stop by to come meet my friends. He wasn't able to park in that area in the front where Jourdan lives, so he drove away because he had to get to his job. He came back after it ended, so I went out there to meet him to find that both my car and Tia's car was towed. We were freaking out!! This never happened to us before!
But turns out it was moved right behind the student health center, so we calmed down and decided to go have lunch at the Flying Biscuit. The place was decorated in a really cute way, but unfortunately, I must say that I did not have the best time there because everything took so long, and Traver had to go back to work.
I then get a text from Janet that 2 State kids were stranded at UNC and needed a ride back to State. I was going to drive Jenny back anyway, so I was fine with it.
Sophia asks me if I wanted to stay a little bit to have ice cream and chat before she leaves for Europe, so I decided to make time because I won't be seeing Sophia for a long time :(
I ended taking three State kids back (one being Lydia's boyfriend), and by the time I got back home, it was 8:30! Ahh I need to study for my test tomorrow!!!
x_x
Friday, January 14, 2011
Senses
It's amazing where the senses can take you.
It can either be something sweet from childhood, something memorable due to all the emotions you felt at that time, or something dark and intolerable from a growing up experience that you just want to forget.
Just a few minutes ago, I took a sip out of a cup of milk. The cool, creamy, calming taste vaguely brought me back to my days in Brooklyn, New York, where I can see and hear my grandma asking me if I want a cup of milk. Without my answer, she would pour a small amount for me in a styrofoam cup, using a pen to mark "J" to distinguish my little cup from my brother's and cousins'.
There are several other ones I can think of...
Taking a sip of apple juice can take me as far as my days as a baby, while the smell of coconut lime takes me to my cousin Kenny's house, where they have the exact same smell for their room sprays.
When I put several of my closest friends' names and the word "trip" together, I surprisingly had a flashback of the time I was at the Key Club district convention, where an ex boyfriend would upset me to no end, stating that I "left him" when I was heading to my leadership workshop, and angered me to no end when he stated that he only came to spend time with me, when he knew damn well that I went there for leadership purposes, had many events to attend to, and had things to plan.
When my boyfriend wore an Affliction shirt, my sight caught onto the word and hatred would boil up in my mind at the thought of a benighted and selfish human being who once tried to get me to believe his vilifications, hoping those dark secrets would never resurface to embarrase and haunt him. Little did he know how much power one can hold with allies that made him the laughingstock of Fayetteville.
Whenever I drive by a Harris Teeter, I would remember the days when I would drive by it to and from work, staring at it longingly, emotional and eyes watery, trying to run away from all that I lost by blasting my Twilight soundtrack and throwing myself at the one person who was willing to catch my fall. I remember asking myself when this pain was ever going to end...
Senses are amazing. They take you back to so many places without your physical being ever leaving. While I like to think that I have changed since these events, I'm still the same person I was in every single memory... Perhaps physically different, maybe with different pieces of knowledge, but I was still me then, and I am me now.
It can either be something sweet from childhood, something memorable due to all the emotions you felt at that time, or something dark and intolerable from a growing up experience that you just want to forget.
Just a few minutes ago, I took a sip out of a cup of milk. The cool, creamy, calming taste vaguely brought me back to my days in Brooklyn, New York, where I can see and hear my grandma asking me if I want a cup of milk. Without my answer, she would pour a small amount for me in a styrofoam cup, using a pen to mark "J" to distinguish my little cup from my brother's and cousins'.
There are several other ones I can think of...
Taking a sip of apple juice can take me as far as my days as a baby, while the smell of coconut lime takes me to my cousin Kenny's house, where they have the exact same smell for their room sprays.
When I put several of my closest friends' names and the word "trip" together, I surprisingly had a flashback of the time I was at the Key Club district convention, where an ex boyfriend would upset me to no end, stating that I "left him" when I was heading to my leadership workshop, and angered me to no end when he stated that he only came to spend time with me, when he knew damn well that I went there for leadership purposes, had many events to attend to, and had things to plan.
When my boyfriend wore an Affliction shirt, my sight caught onto the word and hatred would boil up in my mind at the thought of a benighted and selfish human being who once tried to get me to believe his vilifications, hoping those dark secrets would never resurface to embarrase and haunt him. Little did he know how much power one can hold with allies that made him the laughingstock of Fayetteville.
Whenever I drive by a Harris Teeter, I would remember the days when I would drive by it to and from work, staring at it longingly, emotional and eyes watery, trying to run away from all that I lost by blasting my Twilight soundtrack and throwing myself at the one person who was willing to catch my fall. I remember asking myself when this pain was ever going to end...
Senses are amazing. They take you back to so many places without your physical being ever leaving. While I like to think that I have changed since these events, I'm still the same person I was in every single memory... Perhaps physically different, maybe with different pieces of knowledge, but I was still me then, and I am me now.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Kelly and Ryan's Wedding
Today was Kelly and Ryan's wedding. I was Traver's date, but because he was a Groom's man, I decided to leave with Morgan and George instead at a later time. The wedding was lovely and hilarious. I couldn't help but stifle a laugh at Traver as he walked down the aisle with a bridesmaid. It must have been the fact that he was always playing around that when he tries to look professional, it's just a bit unbelievable XD
Dinner came next. The courses included salad, chicken and stuffing with spinach on top, and a piece of cake called Southern Aristrocrat Sweet Potato. Lovely name, isn't it?
Dancing came afterwards! The father/daughter and mother/son dance nearly made me cry!
I was also able to convince Traver to propose a toast to the bride and groom, go mee ^_^
When it came time for the bouquet, I was too shy to go up, but everybody made me go up with the other girls, and even made me stand in the front because I was shy x_x
Traver and Edwin left the room to go watch FOOTBALL, so Morgan and I decided to be each other's partners for the last dance, hahaha.
Afterwards, everyone went to McDonald's to get food while Traver and I went back to his apartment to make noodles. They sucked. I wanted to steal one of Edwin and Morgan's chicken nuggets... so did George... but ahh I decided not to.
Dinner came next. The courses included salad, chicken and stuffing with spinach on top, and a piece of cake called Southern Aristrocrat Sweet Potato. Lovely name, isn't it?
Dancing came afterwards! The father/daughter and mother/son dance nearly made me cry!
I was also able to convince Traver to propose a toast to the bride and groom, go mee ^_^
When it came time for the bouquet, I was too shy to go up, but everybody made me go up with the other girls, and even made me stand in the front because I was shy x_x
Traver and Edwin left the room to go watch FOOTBALL, so Morgan and I decided to be each other's partners for the last dance, hahaha.
Afterwards, everyone went to McDonald's to get food while Traver and I went back to his apartment to make noodles. They sucked. I wanted to steal one of Edwin and Morgan's chicken nuggets... so did George... but ahh I decided not to.
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